The Honest Truth

You may or may not know that I had another son. I have also been in therapy and I had to stop since it got a little expensive (isnt that funny that mental health isnt taken seriously? Thats a post for another day).  During this therapy I learned a lot even though it was a short amount of time. Grieving my fathe rs, mom was emotionally...unstable and had her own things to learn and work through, my family has some foggy boundaries and we do not (always) respect them, just to name a few.  I was angry at my mom for a little bit of this time but I have done some healing and got through that pain and how her trauma has affected her.   Anyways, back to the birth of my second child.  My mom was there; not in the room since it was a c-section, but she was waiting in the lobby.  My oldest sister joined her and she reassured my mom to go.  She left after my fiancee facetimed her so she could see me. It isn’t that my mom didn’t care to see the baby I just had; it...

  I quit my job this week.  It was no longer bringing me happiness and sense of fulfillment that I first had.  My district expects a lot, which I can 100% keep up with, but when my work is being questioned with absolutely no reason and everything I do is being nitpicked then I cannot stay around and just take it. I was displaced this year-both of my classrooms closed down so I was having to go back into a SDC Pre-K classroom.  Instead of giving me, a teacher who has been there 7 years, priority over placement, the district hired new teachers and with 2 and 1/2 weeks before work started, I still do not know where I am going.  I reached out to the head of special education, directors, union reps and the president, and the department of early childhood with no response.  I was disrespected after everything I did for the district and my students.  I was made to feel unimportant. and my work was not valued; I was not valued.   The school district...

     Studies have shown negative effects on girls/women when there is paternal absence and/or disengagement while growing up. I have had abandonment and that has made me have trust issues, specifically with men. I know my past relationships have suffered from this but, I have stayed with people who are unfaithful because I crave that desire to be loved.  It is difficult because at the time, I did not know that I could go somewhere else-or rather I knew, but when you love someone with your whole heart it is really difficult to leave.  I have noticed lack of judgement in my relationships and I believe this is because I have trouble with my self-worth.  (Side bar: even to this day, I am working on it.  I tell my son "Mommy is beautiful" so that I can teach him how women should be treated and called, but I cannot say that I believe it all the time-maybe a post for another day).  I love with my whole heart, and anyone who I do love should be so lucky....

 There are a lot of things on my mind and I always want to take the time to write and update and share my thoughts but then I get lazy and decide to watch TV; however, today, I am watching TV AND typing (look, my multitasking has gotten better). I am going to do my best and post some content more often-my life is very exciting so I know all of ya'll want to know what is going on 😊 I realized that I never posted an update with Mateo's Doc Band Journey; this post can be a follow up.  Honestly, Mateo did really well.  He wore it every day, even to sleep, and took it off for only an hour a day.  It was really cute and did the job it was supposed to do.  I was able to decorate it with stickers so that made it a little more playful.  His head shape did not change MUCH but it was enough to notice a difference for us and for him.  Luckily, he only needed one band, some babies need 2 or 3.   I think a lot of people hear negative things about the helm...

 You can only treat someone like shit for so long that; eventually they will stop fighting for you.

Mateo has been delayed for milestones but I always chalked that up to him being about 4 weeks premature.  He took a long time to sit up, hold his head up, and roll over (this is still a process); I always joked that his head was really big but around 3-4 months I noticed that his head was a little bit of an unusual shape.  His forehead protruded quite a bit (see pic below) and he was a bit flat. At his 4 month check up the Doctor said we needed to work on repositioning so that it would even out.  We worked on this for about 2 months and it seemed to help a little bit but not enough.  He was referred to physical therapy and they said he should meet with a specialist to see if he is a good candidate for a Doc Band.  We went to the appointment and they said that he should have one and he is more in the moderate/severe  plagiocephaly range.  They put this head wrap on him and took pictures with this really fancy camera.  We were able to see his result...

  6:30pm: Heading to the hospital but had to eat my cookie first because  I KNEW that I would  not eat again until the next day. In the lobby waiting for a room. 7:00 pm: We get to the hospital to check in and wait for a room to open up.  We waited for about 2 hours before we got a room, and when we did it was not a room since they were full-it was the annex.  This was my little annex with no doors but at least I was allowed to lay down. 8:55pm My first nurse (Erica) was very nice and sweet-good for a first nurse. She told me to take the fentanyl ASAP so I wouldn’t feel pain. She did all this paper work and I got set up to be induced. I got a pill inside to Help my cervix get ready and had to wait 4 hours to see if it was working ; well 4 hours later and it didn’t work so I got another.   3:30 am: I finally got a room and started feeling contractions.  I tried to hold off on any pain meds to hopefully make my labor go more quickly (I didn’t wait s...