Boys.

Breakups are hard-it comes in waves.  Thats what I tell anyone who asks me.  I am still learning how to deal with not having that someone there all the time-someone who has been there since I was 17.  For me, it comes in parts, though.  The first is not having my best friend; I told you everything and you could always make me laugh-we could do nothing or we could do something.  The second part is that you didnt pick me.  I am having to tell myself that I am good enough, that it wasn't my fault.
I dream about you.  A lot.  I feel like when that happens, it is a setback for me.  I am doing great-not talking to you and sometimes not thinking of you.  But then you pop up in my subconscious-how can I even control that?

It is really hard to be so vulnerable to a population of people who: 1) are strangers, 2) I haven't talked to or heard from in forever, 3) who know you AND me, 4) are nosy bitches and just want all the chisme.

To be honest, I wrote this post daayyyss ago and this is all I can must up to you guys to see.  He means a lot and I can't write anything else at this time.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Different Types of Parents

Image
You may or may not know that I had another son. I have also been in therapy and I had to stop since it got a little expensive (isnt that funny that mental health isnt taken seriously? Thats a post for another day).  During this therapy I learned a lot even though it was a short amount of time. Grieving my fathe rs, mom was emotionally...unstable and had her own things to learn and work through, my family has some foggy boundaries and we do not (always) respect them, just to name a few.  I was angry at my mom for a little bit of this time but I have done some healing and got through that pain and how her trauma has affected her.   Anyways, back to the birth of my second child.  My mom was there; not in the room since it was a c-section, but she was waiting in the lobby.  My oldest sister joined her and she reassured my mom to go.  She left after my fiancee facetimed her so she could see me. It isn’t that my mom didn’t care to see the baby I just had; it’s that she cared more that I was
Read more

Cellular Myofibroma

Image
  My baby had a tumor.  He had surgery to get it removed and he is okay.  It was non-cancerous. I just thought I should get all of that info out of the way because some people might just want that. Now, here is the story: Around late December 2023, Abuela noticed that Martin Julian had a bump on his chest above his right nipple.  I sent the doctor a picture late that night and said it was not something I noticed before.  We got an appointment 2-3 days later.  He then referred us to get an ultrasound and this took about two weeks to schedule.  At the appointment with our pediatrician the next day, he said that radiology said it looked like a nerve sheath tumor (which is not good).  I remember hearing him say this but it did not register until I was leaving the hospital. Even when Dr. Reed said “treat him like the normal and healthy baby he is,” it did not hit me that he was anything different.  I googled what a nerve sheath tumor is and I was reading thinks like “malignant” and “neurofi
Read more

Sigh of Relief

Image
  I quit my job this week.  It was no longer bringing me happiness and sense of fulfillment that I first had.  My district expects a lot, which I can 100% keep up with, but when my work is being questioned with absolutely no reason and everything I do is being nitpicked then I cannot stay around and just take it. I was displaced this year-both of my classrooms closed down so I was having to go back into a SDC Pre-K classroom.  Instead of giving me, a teacher who has been there 7 years, priority over placement, the district hired new teachers and with 2 and 1/2 weeks before work started, I still do not know where I am going.  I reached out to the head of special education, directors, union reps and the president, and the department of early childhood with no response.  I was disrespected after everything I did for the district and my students.  I was made to feel unimportant. and my work was not valued; I was not valued.   The school district is a business-this is what someone just tol
Read more