The Honest Truth

     Studies have shown negative effects on girls/women when there is paternal absence and/or disengagement while growing up. I have had abandonment and that has made me have trust issues, specifically with men. I know my past relationships have suffered from this but, I have stayed with people who are unfaithful because I crave that desire to be loved.  It is difficult because at the time, I did not know that I could go somewhere else-or rather I knew, but when you love someone with your whole heart it is really difficult to leave.  I have noticed lack of judgement in my relationships and I believe this is because I have trouble with my self-worth.  (Side bar: even to this day, I am working on it.  I tell my son "Mommy is beautiful" so that I can teach him how women should be treated and called, but I cannot say that I believe it all the time-maybe a post for another day).  I love with my whole heart, and anyone who I do love should be so lucky....

 There are a lot of things on my mind and I always want to take the time to write and update and share my thoughts but then I get lazy and decide to watch TV; however, today, I am watching TV AND typing (look, my multitasking has gotten better). I am going to do my best and post some content more often-my life is very exciting so I know all of ya'll want to know what is going on 😊 I realized that I never posted an update with Mateo's Doc Band Journey; this post can be a follow up.  Honestly, Mateo did really well.  He wore it every day, even to sleep, and took it off for only an hour a day.  It was really cute and did the job it was supposed to do.  I was able to decorate it with stickers so that made it a little more playful.  His head shape did not change MUCH but it was enough to notice a difference for us and for him.  Luckily, he only needed one band, some babies need 2 or 3.   I think a lot of people hear negative things about the helm...

 You can only treat someone like shit for so long that; eventually they will stop fighting for you.

Mateo has been delayed for milestones but I always chalked that up to him being about 4 weeks premature.  He took a long time to sit up, hold his head up, and roll over (this is still a process); I always joked that his head was really big but around 3-4 months I noticed that his head was a little bit of an unusual shape.  His forehead protruded quite a bit (see pic below) and he was a bit flat. At his 4 month check up the Doctor said we needed to work on repositioning so that it would even out.  We worked on this for about 2 months and it seemed to help a little bit but not enough.  He was referred to physical therapy and they said he should meet with a specialist to see if he is a good candidate for a Doc Band.  We went to the appointment and they said that he should have one and he is more in the moderate/severe  plagiocephaly range.  They put this head wrap on him and took pictures with this really fancy camera.  We were able to see his result...

  6:30pm: Heading to the hospital but had to eat my cookie first because  I KNEW that I would  not eat again until the next day. In the lobby waiting for a room. 7:00 pm: We get to the hospital to check in and wait for a room to open up.  We waited for about 2 hours before we got a room, and when we did it was not a room since they were full-it was the annex.  This was my little annex with no doors but at least I was allowed to lay down. 8:55pm My first nurse (Erica) was very nice and sweet-good for a first nurse. She told me to take the fentanyl ASAP so I wouldn’t feel pain. She did all this paper work and I got set up to be induced. I got a pill inside to Help my cervix get ready and had to wait 4 hours to see if it was working ; well 4 hours later and it didn’t work so I got another.   3:30 am: I finally got a room and started feeling contractions.  I tried to hold off on any pain meds to hopefully make my labor go more quickly (I didn’t wait s...

 * Not feeling connected to him; sure I want to make sure he is safe and protected but I do not feel that "oh my gosh/overwhelming love" feeling * I do not want to leave him, not because I am sooo connected but because my sleep schedule          *if I sleep 7pm-1:30am and then on and off 1:30am-6:00am I do not feel like I can sleep from                          7:00am-12:00pm because then I only have a couple hours of actually spending time with him. * Martin not sleeping as much as he should; sure we are partners and we should be equal but he is working and I can sleep when baby sleeps during the day          * but on the other hand, I feel like he should be helping out MORE (you see its a rough battle of back              and forth in my brain) * Not cooking dinner * Not having a clean house * Not taking Athens out (...

                                                                                    I  get a bad rap for how  I  work; I’m more difficult and I like things a particular way.      I don’t think I’m the easiest person to work with but I also think it’s because I have very typical expectations of a co-teacher.  I started teaching about 4.5 years ago and every year, minus my first full year, was really difficult. I was first paired with a guy  who was extremely sexist and didn’t want to hear any advice I gave him about student behavior (what certain students liked  and worked well for; another example: a student was not listening and then about 30 minutes later same student comes back  to hi...