All the things I have felt guilty about since becoming a mom:


 * Not feeling connected to him; sure I want to make sure he is safe and protected but I do not feel that "oh my gosh/overwhelming love" feeling

* I do not want to leave him, not because I am sooo connected but because my sleep schedule

        *if I sleep 7pm-1:30am and then on and off 1:30am-6:00am I do not feel like I can sleep from                     7:00am-12:00pm because then I only have a couple hours of actually spending time with him.

* Martin not sleeping as much as he should; sure we are partners and we should be equal but he is working and I can sleep when baby sleeps during the day

        * but on the other hand, I feel like he should be helping out MORE (you see its a rough battle of back            and forth in my brain)

* Not cooking dinner

* Not having a clean house

* Not taking Athens out (enough and/or AS much)

* Not spending time with my family

* Not wanting CERTAIN people to come around/see me/see my baby

* Wanting to sleep over:

    * eating

    * cooking

    * cleaning

    * seeing people

* Not wanting to breastfeed every time he is hungry/ being lazy to try at those 1:30 am and 3:00 am feedings

        * I want to say that I do not feel guilty about not wanting to breast feed specifically but I feel bad                 about the NOT trying part



I do not think that we, as a society, talk enough about these feelings of guilt.  Everything I am feeling is normal.  Not everyone feels this way but MANY do and that needs to be acknowledged.  The stigma of "I had a baby and I am so happy" can co-exist with the thoughts of "This is not what I thought and I cannot do it all."  It is funny because I know all of these things are true but that does not make MY guilt go away.  It does not have anything to do with it not being normalized-not for me.  I am very aware that I feel and think things that are completely common for many. I do not know what to do to make myself feel better; some have said I need to go out or "take a break."  I do not think I need that, Mateo is fine and he is not a bother or someone I feel like I need a break from.  I want to go out and do things with him and where I go, I WANT him to come with me.  I think maybe that is the hardest part for me-wanting to leave but I cant because he is still too small (and not taking him out is a personal parenting preference).  I need to give myself some grace but I am definitely harder on myself then others.  This is something I do a lot, even not being a mom and dealing with mom things; I have cried a lot over work because I have felt inadequate in that regard too.  So, something I need to work on is not explaining myself and being okay with a messy house, maybe until I catch up on my sleep (at least).






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