The Honest Truth

Mateo has been delayed for milestones but I always chalked that up to him being about 4 weeks premature.  He took a long time to sit up, hold his head up, and roll over (this is still a process); I always joked that his head was really big but around 3-4 months I noticed that his head was a little bit of an unusual shape.  His forehead protruded quite a bit (see pic below) and he was a bit flat. At his 4 month check up the Doctor said we needed to work on repositioning so that it would even out.  We worked on this for about 2 months and it seemed to help a little bit but not enough.  He was referred to physical therapy and they said he should meet with a specialist to see if he is a good candidate for a Doc Band.  We went to the appointment and they said that he should have one and he is more in the moderate/severe  plagiocephaly range.  They put this head wrap on him and took pictures with this really fancy camera.  We were able to see his results shortly after with the Occupational T

  6:30pm: Heading to the hospital but had to eat my cookie first because  I KNEW that I would  not eat again until the next day. In the lobby waiting for a room. 7:00 pm: We get to the hospital to check in and wait for a room to open up.  We waited for about 2 hours before we got a room, and when we did it was not a room since they were full-it was the annex.  This was my little annex with no doors but at least I was allowed to lay down. 8:55pm My first nurse (Erica) was very nice and sweet-good for a first nurse. She told me to take the fentanyl ASAP so I wouldn’t feel pain. She did all this paper work and I got set up to be induced. I got a pill inside to Help my cervix get ready and had to wait 4 hours to see if it was working ; well 4 hours later and it didn’t work so I got another.   3:30 am: I finally got a room and started feeling contractions.  I tried to hold off on any pain meds to hopefully make my labor go more quickly (I didn’t wait super long but oh well).  I waited about

 * Not feeling connected to him; sure I want to make sure he is safe and protected but I do not feel that "oh my gosh/overwhelming love" feeling * I do not want to leave him, not because I am sooo connected but because my sleep schedule          *if I sleep 7pm-1:30am and then on and off 1:30am-6:00am I do not feel like I can sleep from                          7:00am-12:00pm because then I only have a couple hours of actually spending time with him. * Martin not sleeping as much as he should; sure we are partners and we should be equal but he is working and I can sleep when baby sleeps during the day          * but on the other hand, I feel like he should be helping out MORE (you see its a rough battle of back              and forth in my brain) * Not cooking dinner * Not having a clean house * Not taking Athens out (enough and/or AS much) * Not spending time with my family * Not wanting CERTAIN people to come around/see me/see my baby * Wanting to sleep over:     * eating

                                                                                    I  get a bad rap for how  I  work; I’m more difficult and I like things a particular way.      I don’t think I’m the easiest person to work with but I also think it’s because I have very typical expectations of a co-teacher.  I started teaching about 4.5 years ago and every year, minus my first full year, was really difficult. I was first paired with a guy  who was extremely sexist and didn’t want to hear any advice I gave him about student behavior (what certain students liked  and worked well for; another example: a student was not listening and then about 30 minutes later same student comes back  to him and tries to show him something he made and he said “nope. I’m not going to pay attention because you were not listening  to me earlier”-completely unprofessional and WORD? In my opinion). The second teacher I worked with was still in school and I  had to handle all of the challenging behaviors myself

  I normally try to keep certain things private but considering I am airing all my laundry on a blog for the public to see, then why not? I was recently diagnoses with cholestasis which is when the liver does not do its job and causes a build up of bile acids which is harmful (and worst case scenario, deadly) to the baby.  I have to be monitored every two weeks and get blood work taken just as frequently.  Overall, I think me and baby will be safe and I am trying to stay relatively positive because, honestly, there is nothing else I can do.  I do not want people to feel bad or pity me-that is just as bad.  But I do want to bring awareness to conditions like this.   Some things to note is that are that I started itching early on but just figured it was my skin stretching as the baby was invading my personal space.  I spoke with the doctor about it (probably around 24ish weeks) and he also said itching at the stomach is normal.  Then, a few days later, the itching would spread to my brea

 But alas, I do not get that luxury.  If you haven't kept up with me, I am indeed16 weeks pregnant.  I have to see a perinatologist every week for the next 10 weeks due to my autoimmune condition; Sjogren's can cause blockages in the baby's heart and which can cause him have a low heart rate.  I had my first appointment today and I did not realize how scared I was until I parked my car with 15 minutes to spare.  I felt my stomach tighten; if there is something wrong, there is nothing I can do.  Essentially it is my fault if Baby M has issues, but my condition is not preventable so I don't blame myself for whatever happens.  However, it does not mean I am not nervous and scared.  That's my baby and something can happen to him that I cannot do anything about.   I am focusing on the good, though, and he is healthy.  Everything looks good and normal.  The heart looks great: blood flow, the rate, the size, everything.  I am happy that he is well and safe.  I still need t