Out of the woods...for two weeks

 


I normally try to keep certain things private but considering I am airing all my laundry on a blog for the public to see, then why not? I was recently diagnoses with cholestasis which is when the liver does not do its job and causes a build up of bile acids which is harmful (and worst case scenario, deadly) to the baby.  I have to be monitored every two weeks and get blood work taken just as frequently.  Overall, I think me and baby will be safe and I am trying to stay relatively positive because, honestly, there is nothing else I can do.  I do not want people to feel bad or pity me-that is just as bad.  But I do want to bring awareness to conditions like this.  
Some things to note is that are that I started itching early on but just figured it was my skin stretching as the baby was invading my personal space.  I spoke with the doctor about it (probably around 24ish weeks) and he also said itching at the stomach is normal.  Then, a few days later, the itching would spread to my breasts but only at night.  Shortly it was daily and the itching spread to my back.  My hands and feet would swell daily, my blood pressure was higher then normal, and the itching (specifically on my hands and feed) became unbearable.  When I went to see my doctor I got more tests and two days later it was confirmed Cholestasis.
I think another difficult part of all of this is that I cannot be with my students in person.  I LOVE my job and all I have known for awhile is to work and work hard; through distance teaching I do not feel like I am effective.  I know that it is better for me and baby to be online  but I feel extremely helpless and useless, to be honest.  This is not how I thought things would go and frankly it bothers me that I cannot do anything.
At the end of the day, I have to keep my child safe but it is still a very empty and hopeless feeling.

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