Addison Montgomery is the only specialist I want checking me out.

 But alas, I do not get that luxury. 

If you haven't kept up with me, I am indeed16 weeks pregnant.  I have to see a perinatologist every week for the next 10 weeks due to my autoimmune condition; Sjogren's can cause blockages in the baby's heart and which can cause him have a low heart rate.  I had my first appointment today and I did not realize how scared I was until I parked my car with 15 minutes to spare.  I felt my stomach tighten; if there is something wrong, there is nothing I can do.  Essentially it is my fault if Baby M has issues, but my condition is not preventable so I don't blame myself for whatever happens.  However, it does not mean I am not nervous and scared.  That's my baby and something can happen to him that I cannot do anything about. 
 I am focusing on the good, though, and he is healthy.  Everything looks good and normal.  The heart looks great: blood flow, the rate, the size, everything.  I am happy that he is well and safe.  I still need to do follow ups to make sure he is developing normally so for the next few weeks I will be going to check on him.  At least I can see him; and apparently my placenta is in the back which means I can start to feel him sooner (2-4 weeks) since he is closer to my skin.  Exciting, but I will be mad if he keeps me up at night more then he already does :) haha; I have to pee all the time now which I did not think would happen until later on but I am good.  So far second trimester is the best-my energy is relatively back to normal and so is my appetite.  I am just happy that he is healthy right now and that is something to be grateful for💓


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