Bucket Lists


Recently, my family suffered a loss.  My cousin-a bright, lively, energetic, 24 year old-passed away in a car accident.  I haven't talked to this cousin in I don't even know how long and I feel guilty about that.  At his service, his grandfather spoke of him with such pride.  About a week or so before he died, he called his grandpa and told him that he needed to make a new bucket list because he had finished the one he made.  
I felt really bad because throughout the whole service I was sitting, listening, and just taking it in.  I did not cry or get teary eyed which took me by surprise and I felt insensitive.  How can I not cry? He was taken too soon.  He was the good one.  He had a great life.  He was living. I felt bad because everyone was crying for him and I couldn't.  Leaving the service, I went away with wanting to accomplish things on my bucket list-I had some ideas but I did not write anything down nor did I even know where to begin.  However, I bought tickets to release lanterns into the sky-something that I have been wanting to do for several years.  It just so happened that the tickets I bought were for the same night as his service.  I had a cathartic moment during this light festival.  When I was getting ready to release the lantern-it hit me-that I was finally completing this thing that I had wanted to do for so long; I could cross it off my bucket list.  I decided to write him a note, and in that moment, I did it for him-not for me.  During that exact time,  I had my moment; and I mourned for my cousin.  I released the lanterns and watched the beauty of it.
Going to Barcelona was was something I always wanted to do and I gave myself a price: If it ever gets to $300 I am just going to buy the ticket and go. The next day it was $300; I bought the ticket right then and there.  I didn't want to wait or talk myself out of it.  But it felt like something that was a sign-he died and here is the thing telling me to go! I am going to live my life for KJ; I am going to live my life for me.  I want to start crossing things off my bucket list.  We do not have enough time in this world and we shouldn't take what we do have for granted.  


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