An open letter to the homies


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I have never met a more interesting group of friends.  This group of friends is nontraditional, in the sense that yes they do talk the trash and give each other shit, but they don't lift each other up or make each other be better people.  No one is held accountable; it's always someone else fault. I dated a guy and he did NOT do his part to get his friend group to like me (I know this so it isn't like he is going unblamed here-this post just isn't about him); they were nice to my face but behind my back they said a lot of mean things about me.  I am nowhere near perfect and there were a lot of things that I needed to work on in the relationship that I had, but overall, I think that I was able to lift my ex higher and to push him to be a better, more independent person (but that is just my opinion).

I am writing this in the hopes that you guys do read this and maybe have insight into a different perspective.  You all had very unrealistic expectations of what I should, or should not, do.  I was definitely that most...outgoing of all of the girlfriends that any of you had dated.  Outgoing is a pretty nice word; I will say vocal instead.  I spoke up for myself and I said what I did not like/think it was right.  Side note: I have learned since then to praise in public and criticize in private; seems silly but this was something I struggled with and am still working on.  Maybe you guys felt I should do this or say that as opposed to how I was.  I wish that you would have seen that I really loved him and would have, and did, do anything for him because maybe then you would have given me the respect that I deserved.

Maybe you guys felt that you were fine with me and this is stupid for me even to write about.  But it is important, because it has stuck with me for many years and I was not able to say anything to you.  The guy I was with should have said some of the good things that I did for him too, not just the bad, and maybe you guys would have thought of me differently.  But you should have also just known by the way that I looked at him that there was nothing but love there.  This isn't a blame game at all, but I do ask that for whoever enters this twisted friend group that you guys be more open minded and supportive.  When someone enters a relationship like that it can feel toxic and like they are set up to not last.  But maybe you guys knew we wouldn't? I don't know.  Im sure the next person he dates will be better then me in some way and I hope that she feels more welcome in the group then I did; I hope she feels like you are all genuine people and you mean what you say.

Bottom line: I just wanted to say that I felt like I was treated unfairly and was set up to lose.

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