The Honest Truth

Recently, my family suffered a loss.  My cousin-a bright, lively, energetic, 24 year old-passed away in a car accident.  I haven't talked to this cousin in I don't even know how long and I feel guilty about that.  At his service, his grandfather spoke of him with such pride.  About a week or so before he died, he called his grandpa and told him that he needed to make a new bucket list because he had finished the one he made.   I felt really bad because throughout the whole service I was sitting, listening, and just taking it in.  I did not cry or get teary eyed which took me by surprise and I felt insensitive.   How can I not cry? He was taken too soon.  He was the good one.  He had a great life.  He was living . I felt bad because everyone was crying for him and I couldn't.  Leaving the service, I went away with wanting to accomplish things on my bucket list-I had some ideas but I did not write anything down nor did I even know where to begin.  However, I bought tic

There are aspects of a new relationship that I have forgotten about. Things you have to talk about and get "over" is just crazy. For instance, how long until we spend the night together? How long until we start sleeping together? How long until we move in together? How long until we get married? It is scary because all of these things could be happening and they are what I have always wanted in my life. But, maybe that is the part that scares me? I always knew it wouldn't happen in my last relationship so I never really had to let myself think about it; at least not seriously.  It could happen now.  And I want it to, of course, but how is that thought not ABSOLUTELY terrifying? Is it normal to be so scared? I mean, a part of me feels the trembles and chills and the thoughts are in my head of "what if we do  move forward and it doesn't work?"; but that is the pessimist in me. Then a different part of me really wants it.  When I'm playing baseb